Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
