sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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