I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
