people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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