brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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