i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
