Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize