It's Friday. Sex?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
