I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
