remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
