nut hugger
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
