Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
