No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
