She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
