i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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