You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
