sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
