It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
