I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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