it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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