Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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