Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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