btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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