let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
