You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
