woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
