Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
