READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
