My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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