Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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