Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
