Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
