The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
