This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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