I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
People in love make me want to vomit
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
