I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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