Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
