No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize