I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
His hands were made for my vagina.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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