bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize