I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
