the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
