fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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