what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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