She's like a pop up book from hell.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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