Acid is not a monday night drug
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
