he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
