oh god the rape fog is back!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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