I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
