I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
