When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
