I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
