matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
50% drunk capacity currently
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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