i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
