Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
