If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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