Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize