I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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