I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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