call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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