Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
