dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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