Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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