Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
