I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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