i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
