can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
