i just wanna soil my oats bro
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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