Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
