fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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