true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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