you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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