carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize