Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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