ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
