Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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