Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
