he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
we're so committed to being not committed
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
